Halloween Post – Update!

Happy Monday, Kosbie Fans! For those of you who’ve read my Halloween post from a few years ago, you know that when I was a 7th grader, I went to my school’s Halloween dance dressed as Uncle Fester. Just so you all know that I’m not making this stuff up, I present the following evidence, unearthed by my little sister (and posted to facebook, of course).

Let’s take a closer look.

Not one hint of irony in those eyes - just pure, candy-fueled joy.

Closer.
The future of America.

That is all.

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Iron Maiden

Hey friends! I’ve been trying my hand at sketch comedy writing this year, and here’s one of my first sketches. I wrote and acted in this one with Dysfunctional Figurines. Hope you like it! I was trying to see how many Russian puns I could get in one sketch.

Sasquatch Snickers

Y’all. 

THIS. EXISTS.

Image

That’s my arm. I am not tiny. 
What is wrong with America?!
Note the “Slice and Share,” probably added so that  MARS wouldn’t be sued by some poor fool who might actually buy this as one-person snack. 
It’s so heavy – it feels like a bag of rice.

I totally bought it.*

* Ok, I’m a huge hypocrite. But in my defense, I bought it because it was in the clearance rack at the CVS, and there was only one, and I felt like if it wasn’t in my possession, then it would disappear or something (like a unicorn or a ufo). And then I’d be that guy that was always telling people: “One time I saw a Snickers log that was the size of my forearm!” And everyone would be all, “Really?!” But they wouldn’t believe me. So now I have it!  As a side note, the prescription I was filling was for my insulin, and the pharmacist was totally judging me as he rang me up. His eyes were all, “Should you really be purchasing 17 pounds of chocolate when you are obviously diabetic?”

Pssht. He don’t know me.

Written in the stars!

So the other day I went to the Caribou Coffee with my super, awesome friend VA (yeah, her name is Virginia but I type it VA – keep up, slugs) and while we were there, I grabbed the latest edition of “Coffee News.” For those you who don’t know about “Coffee News,” I suggest you stop living under a rock because it is a seriously informative publication. It has trivia, ads for all kind of things (Lawn Maintenance and Massaging Insoles just to name a few!) and MOST importantly: HOROSCOPES. Ok, so before I go any further, I am not one of those people who knows all about the star signs and can say things like “Well of course he dumped you, he’s a Leo!” but maybe I secretly wish I were.  Anyway! Here was my horoscope for the week:

You could have a low tolerance for boredom and following the rules this week, and you may make some creative changes and discoveries.

Uh – horoscope for the week? Try: horoscope FOR MY LIFE! See! This is my problem, I immediately get sucked into the thrall of Astrology – I want to see and believe so hard! But then I think twice (like my liberal arts education taught me) – who out there actually has a high tolerance for boredom and likes to follow rules? And isn’t it possible that I “may” do anything, really? Wether the stars called it or not, it is true! I’ve set a course for adventure and now find myself back in North Carolina to be creative, break rules, not be bored and listen to my heart!

As I mentioned earlier this week, I had quite the adventure getting down here! There was roadkill, there were animal sedatives, there was fast food consumption (which I regretted almost immediately), there was the license plate game (my gentleman friend and I got 34 of 50 states! including the elusive Alaska!) and I would love to draw it all for you guys to see, but here’s  the thing that NC does not have: a scanner that I can use to put up my drawings. In a moment of madness and frustration I tried using MS Paint :

Fail.

So yeah, that’s not an option. It takes a long time and there are people who already do this better than me. Like, way better. So! Bear with me! I’m working on it! In the mean time, enjoy my attempts to fill my post with images to excite and distract you!

And I KNOW you’re all watching team USA in the World Cup, so I’m not even going to mention that (seriously, you better be watching). And also – I hate that I’m such a girl, but did anyone else see that Landon Donovan said “Hi, Bianca!” and then blew a kiss?! She’s his ex-wife! Maybe they’re still in love?! Or just amicable exes? Refreshing either way. For real this time! BYE!

Sweet Sagittarius Picture: U.S. Naval Observatory and the Space Telescope Science Institute
Awesome Star Picture: Smithsonian Institution

Be Back Soon!

For the dozens (ok, 2) of you who panicked (alright, fine! not panicked…noticed) when you didn’t get a new Kosbie Show post today – don’t worry! I’m alive. I’m on a personal adventure right now, but I’ll be back posting regularly later this week with tales of my adventure! Just to entice you, it involves roadkill, fast food, 5 hour energy drink and Kosbie on sedatives!

Keep it real, Kosbie fans!

Every time you close your eyes

Hello, friends! Sorry for the lack of posts – I was on a Memorial Day Adventure (more on that later). But never fear! I’m back and will be drawing and writing about the things that are really important: awkward or stupid stuff I did as a child or think about now. Hard hitting journalism over here at The Kosbie Show. I’m just saying, someone has to do it.

Anyhoo! I went to the movies during my adventure and saw this coming attraction:

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