The following post contains mature language and content. I am 33 now (Jesus Year!), so I have lived some life, and I care less about offending people with my potty mouth. I’d probably rate this post PG-13. It’s also very long, so don’t feel badly about skipping it or giving up – my attention span is very short as well.
I hope you’re all doing really well.
I mean that – if you’re reading this: You’re a good person.
Even if I don’t know you.
ESPECIALLY if I do know you.
Honestly? Kind of a blur – Januaries are for waking up out of accidental food and/or emotional comas, right? I also remember angrily scrolling through FB a lot and resenting adorable babies. And working out – a lot. And memorizing the “To Be or Not to Be” speech from Hamlet. Also – I got to reprise my role as Charles Cotesworth Pinckney (#CCP) in the staged reading of Lauren Gunderson’s “The Taming.”
Song for the montage of January:
Black Barbies by Nicki & Mike WiLL Made-It
(All Hail Nicki Nicki)
I got PREGNANT, y’all. (Insert every hilarious Tracy Jordan joke here.) I’ll spare you the details, but after a decade of hemming and hawing and dreading the process (I have many friends who have been trying for years), it HAPPENED. Remember kiddos: it only takes one time. Be responsible! As we used to say in the 90s: No Glove, no Love!
Song for the montage of February:
Same Drugs by Chance the Rapper
(I’ve admired Chance for a long time, and this song helped me as I processed the fact that I was going to become a parent.)
Perhaps the most stressful and fulfilling month of my life. I performed Women Playing Hamlet with Donna Scott Productions. It was a great show with an amazing ensemble, and I was thrilled and terrified for every minute of it. I knew I was pregnant and had “Morning Sickness” (Pro-Tip: AM sickness happens at any and all hours of the day.) Every night I would pray to the universe that I wouldn’t throw up during the show. (I didn’t!) I also got to be in a beautiful wedding of one of my best friends of all time (Raaaaaaaaaaachel! 👋🏼 Marchéd Forthë!)
Song for the montage of March:
The Album/Opus: Lemonade by Beyoncé
B is my go-to whenever I feel powerless’ and this album is truly a work of art that offers me something new each time I listen to or watch it.
Why is April always so hard for me to remember? Probably because I’m always coming off of a show/trying not to die of the flu. This past April I spent a lot of time just chanting “I’m pregnant. I’m pregnant!?” to myself and willing it to “stick.” I am very superstitious and wanted to wait until my 2nd trimester to tell anyone about the pregnancy. Also – I spent a lot of time inventing elaborate reasons why I was not drinking. Here’s a pro tip on that: IT’S OK NOT TO DRINK – you don’t have to tell anyone why you are or aren’t.
Song for the montage of April:
Hard Times by Paramore (I have always been a fan and always will be.)
We made it! 2nd Trimester was a go! We announced the pregnancy with the image below. I look at the photo now and have to LOL big time at myself because we had no FUCKING IDEA just how big of an adventure we were in for (but do any of us, really? EVER?). Short answer? No.
Song for the Montage of May:
Agnes by Glass Animals
I have only started listening to this band this year, but I am already obsessed.
As soon as I started telling people that I was pregnant, they started feeling REALLY sorry for me. People love saying things like “You’re gunna be so hot and fat by the end of the summer!” And I would laugh and think “I already feel hot and fat, you bitchdick*.” Also! Everyone wants to touch you. Nothing like creating a new human spirit to remind you that all of society feels entitled to your body AND your future child’s body. More on that later. (Right, Marian!? *eyeroll*)
Song for the Montage of June:
Because I’m Me by The Avalanches
Pregnancy in July? Hotter, Fatter, Sadder. Suddenly I was living out every movie trope I’ve ever seen! Ice cream for meals (🍦), tears and rage at the drop of a hat (🐺), and the most luscious hair of my life (🦄). I also got to retreat to a cabin in the woods with my producing partners, Donna & Tonya for a week to read plays & dream & scheme.
Song for the Montage of July
Gold by Chet Faker
This is where things got interesting. My original due date was in early November, but my water broke on the day my 3rd trimester began. Two days later, we were parents of a preemie. I’ll be keeping his name off the internet for a while, but he is precious and we love him so much 💙.
Song for the Montage of August:
N/A. For the first time in my life, I was too scared to sing or even think about music. I turned instead to podcasts, which would save my spirit daily. My favorites then (and now) are: WTF by Marc Maron, Unqualified with Anna Farris, and My Favorite Murder. #SSDGM
This month wasn’t a blur so much as a fugue state. I was physically healing from the insane act of giving birth, but my heart and brain were ripped in half because I didn’t get to hold or see our son very much. Probably (about) an hour a day. Then I needed another surgery. September…sucked. For lack of a better word. Friends and family helped me take care of my ADLs*, but I was sad and crying most of the time.
Song for September Montage
Podcasts, + “Sleep With Me” and “Joanne” by Lady Gaga
(If you haven’t watched GaGa’s documentary 5’2” – do yourself a favor and watch it.
It’s a look into the life of one of the most diverse performers as our time.)
Normally my favorite of the months (I am the most basic of bitches), October suddenly became the hardest to live through. I had announced my pregnancy; but kept our son’s birth a secret. I couldn’t bear the thought of people feelingly badly for me. If they felt badly for me, that meant something bad could happen. (Panic logic at work.) So I forced myself to “fake it til I made it.” I went to shows (good ones!), and tried to talk with my friends like I cared about anything. The truth was that all I could think about was how sad I was.
Then! We got the call! It was time to take our son home – our emotions swung into overdrive. We were so excited! And Terrified! We set up the car seat, thanked all the nurses and doctors and went home. Then we stared at the baby and panicked. He had been living in a plastic box and now he lived in our house! That is full of germs! Sensing our panic, Kosbie tried to help by licking the baby on the mouth. We went from a strict “You Must Wash Your Hands Before You Touch the Baby” family to a “We Just Applied Poo Crumbs Directly to the Baby’s Mouth” family.
Song for the October Montage:
Little Bribes by Death Cab for Cutie
Truly a mixed bag of experiences and emotions. One of the best Thanskgivings I’ve ever had. Instead of getting spicy and spikey about spending time with in-laws and the “True Meaning” of the Holiday, I enjoyed getting to see so many relatives at one time. It was exhausting, and by the end of the long weekend, I had a “love hangover.”
Song for the October Montage:
Radar by Riz MC (When I watch this video, I feel like someone spent 10 minutes in my brain and had to write a song about it. I’m obsessed. Plus he was fantastic in Rogue One.)
The wounds are still too fresh, Internet family.
I’ll get there eventually, but right now I can’t talk or blog about it.
Song for the December Montage:
Sweatpants by Childish Gambino ft. Problem
I will always love Donald Glover – he doesn’t take no for an answer, and always turns inward when he hits a wall. When will HE get to play Hamlet?! I mean, don’t get me wrong, he is gunna kill as Lando, but come on! He can do it all!
That brings us to the present day-ish. It’s sunny, and there is snow on the ground. The Women’s March is happening all over the country and world, and this year I can’t join because I need to work on myself.
What does 2018 hold?
NOBODY KNOWS – and that’s OK.
Personally, I am going to focusing on consuming art instead of constantly trying to create it. I’m going to work on my improv duo, The Know It Alls, but only if it doesn’t stress me & Tina out. I’m going to keep writing and producing for all of the amazing people in the network that I have spent my entire life creating. If you are part of that network (friends, family, artists in the Queen City) – THANK YOU. You’ve saved me over and over again.
Love forever and ever!
P.S. – I’ve resolved to spend less time on social media this year, and MOAR time writing! If you enjoyed this post, please like it, leave a comment or contact me to let me know which topic was most interesting to you.
Does that make sense?
Probably not. I’m still getting my brain in order.
Bear with me as I clean up and revamp the site.
Finally – the stories here and images belong to me, Glynnis O’Donoghue – I will absolutely use them if I can ever meet and/or convince Lin Manuel Miranda to direct a movie about my life. Believe the hype about Hamilton.
Go see it if you can!
One more thing – I have changed the name of this blog to “Cleopatra Does the Nasty” since “The Kosbie Show” brings me more shame than the original URL used to.
The quote comes from the movie Bubba Ho-Tep (one of the first films Husband and I watched together). Wanna watch it? Check it out: Bubba Ho-Tep Info!
*bitchdick is not a word, but it’s what Husband and I call rude people so that we are hitting both genders in the traditional binary – I realize that I am super ignorant of the language used by the trans community, but it is one of my resolutions for 2018 to listen to more stories of the people I don’t know without judgement. I’ll get it right one day!
** ADLs is term used in healthcare to refer to people’s daily self care activities. They are defined as “the things we normally do… such as feeding ourselves, bathing, dressing, grooming, work, homemaking, and leisure.”