Lessons I’ve Learned From My Dog (Part 1)

This morning I woke to the sound of Kosbie (my favorite four-legged friend) throwing up. As I groggily scrubbed the carpet, I wondered why I ever voluntarily brought this hairy, vomit-machine into my life.  Husband had corralled Vomits-bie in the bathroom, and when I went in there to wash up, I saw this:

Sad Vomit Kos

Her sad, little face seemed to say, “Hi, Warden*! You are making angry sounds, and I am stuck in the room I hate. I’m worried about both of these facts. Do you know why my mouth tastes like vomit?”  And before I could stop it, my heart melted and I felt an overwhelming affection for the puke machine.

Without really thinking about it, I’ve spent almost 5 years with this pup, and I am realizing that I’ve gotten a lot out of our time together. Beyond the standard perks of having a wriggly, adorable animal in the house, I’ve learned many lessons from my dog. Today I’m posting about 2 of them:

Lesson 1: How to handle embarrassment.
When Kosbie gets really excited, she starts spazzing out and running around in circles (see video below for demonstration).

One time, while playing with me and my roommate (shout out Chicken Fingers!), Kosbie worked herself up into a frothy lather, and smacked her head directly  into a wall. The sound was sickening. My roommate and I stopped playing immediately, thinking that maybe we had just witnessed the death of my first pet.  

Kosbie blinked once, wobbled a little, and then tried to keep running around exactly as she had been before smashing into the wall. My roommate and I were all, “Dog! Are you ok!?”, but she just kept running around like nothing happened. No matter what we did, she would not acknowledge that she had just thrown her skull into a wall.

At first I thought this was hilarious, but then I thought some more and I think that might be a legitimate way of dealing with embarrassing behavior. Let’s say you get drunk at your office holiday party and throw up on your boss’ shoes. Assuming you’re not fired, wouldn’t Monday morning be more bearable if you just act like nothing terrible happened? Maybe if you ignore something long enough, you can erase it from the collective memory of your community! (#NeverGoingToHappenTheyWillAlwaysRememberAndJudgeYou)

Lesson 2: Smokers are sexy.
Kosbie has never been a very humpy dog – she seems content to eat and run and eat. But! One time, right after I adopted her (and right after she was spayed), we were taking a walk when Kosbie started pulling me down the street. She dragged me into the front yard of one of our neighbors. He was smoking a cigarette in the lawn, and before I could even say hello, Kosbie had latched herself on to the leg of my unsuspecting neighbor and was humping the crap out of it.

Kos Hump

It wasn’t angry or aggressive humping – I mean, she didn’t even really seem to know she was doing it, but I was mortified. I pulled her from her lover, apologizing profusely (to my neighbor, not the dog), and hurried home. Kosbie never humped anything after that, so I guess she was making a statement that smokers are the sexiest around. I mean…she’s not wrong:

Sexy Smoker

Alright folks! I’ve got other (way less fun) things to do today, so I must leave you now. Feel free to share any lessons that you’ve learned from your furry friends in the comments! 

*When I first got Kosbie, I did NOT like the idea of being called her mom. I’m not trying to judge, and people can do whatever they want, but I did not push that dog out of me, nor am I raising her as a human member in my family/a productive member of society. So, I started referring to myself as the warden because I was trying to train her in a very disciplined way, and the name stuck. 

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6 thoughts on “Lessons I’ve Learned From My Dog (Part 1)

  1. Today must be Test Your Love for Your Canine Day. As SOON as I let Wembles out this morning, she POUNCED on a bird nest that fell into our yard overnight. I spent 30 minutes chasing her around the backyard, simultaneously disgusted at the baby bird feet dangling from her jaws of death and IRRATE she wouldn’t listen to me …and was ENJOYING the “game.”
    I’m still searching for the lesson in this.

    • Oh my gawd – I don’t know what I would do! Wembles is nothing if not a scamp! Maybe the lesson is…life is precious? Or dogs are disgusting. I think we should make Test Your Love of Your Canine Day a real thing.

  2. I’m weeping. That moment with Kosbie vs. the wall was simultaneously one of the scariest and funniest moments of my life.

  3. Next time I do something really embarassing I’m going to try pretending that nothing ever happened. I’ll let you know how that works out for me…haha.

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