Gather ’round Kosbie fans! It’s story time! What are you in the mood to hear? A tale of adventure? Romance? Well, too bad! ‘Round here, we only tell one kind of story: the kind involving awkwardness, binge-eating and humiliation.
It’s no secret that I love food. Especially cookies. Here in the southeast, there is a little place called McAlister’s that sells some pretty good cookies. They used to cost a dollar and are suddenly a dollar twenty five, which is ri-gooddamn-diculous! A 25% increase in price!? But I digress. The point is: I love McAlister’s cookies.
SO, one day I was walking Kosbie and there it was: a yellow van with “McAlisters” shrink-wrapped onto it. Images of sandwiches, cookies, tea! On a car! I wish I had a picture of it. I trolled the internet looking for one, and this was the best I could find:
Now, I swear that my McAlister’s van did not have the word “Catering” written on the side of it. If it did, my story would end here. Sadly, it doesn’t. So, I see the van, and I am thrilled and excited…and apparently very tired and hungry because my sad little brain jumped to the conclusion that this McAlister’s Van must be like an ice cream truck.
That’s right, I thought that van must contain food…from McAlister’s…for sale.
Naturally, I approached the van, which was stopped at a stop sign, and I proceeded to ask the driver the following question: “You have cookies?” I honestly don’t know what was going on with me that day, but I’m mildly horrified by my behavior. I must have looked like a neanderthal, rushing up to the car and blurting out barely understandable sentences. When I think about what this must have looked like from the poor driver’s perspective, I cringe:
By the way, that blur of fur and color is Kosbie. She gets really excited around cars and strangers; it’s actually a pretty dangerous reaction to cars for such a little animal. Anyway, the man driving the van was polite but obviously nervous. He explained, “I don’t have any cookies, m’am. You’ll have to go to the restaurant for that.” Before I could respond, he drove away.
And that is the story of how I learned that just because a car has a picture of food on it, doesn’t mean that said food is in the car and available for purchase.