Speak fluent Kosbie!

Merry Monday, Readers! I figured I’d kick this week off with a Kosbie post, since I haven’t written about her in a while. Plus, she is the star of the blog (even though my image has replaced hers as the header – that’s just for you, Leemar).

Anyhoosies! You know how people who have babies can tell what the baby wants by the type of cry it makes? Well, I have the same kind of relationship with Kosbie. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those people who dresses up their dog and treats them like a human child. Alright, FINE! I try to make Kosbie wear clothes, but she rips them off of her body and proceeds to tear them up with a viscousness that I have never seen her employ in any other situation. And when I try to hold her she claws at my exposed flesh like a raging chupacabra until she’s free.

But I digress.

In the (almost) two years I’ve had Kos, I’ve learned how to interpret the different sounds she makes. Below, I’ve listed an assortment of Kosbie’s vocalizations and noises with a translation or description of each one. For the sake of clarity, Kosbie’s “speech” and point of view will be in purple.

*BARK!!!*

I will kill you, other dog! You are lucky I’m tied to this heavy human!

*Bark!!*

I’m having so much fun playing fetch and tug of war that I’ve worked myself up into a frothy lather of excitement! I cannot help expressing myself with my voice!

*bark*

I don’t really want to bark but you’re making me do it so I can get the treat you have in your hand. Don’t you ever get bored of making me do what you want me to do for your entertainment? (By the way, the answer is “No and I never will.”)

*sneeze*

I see that you are having a snack and I feel entitled to part  (if not all)
of it.
(I like to think of this as Kosbie’s equivalent to “ahem” or clearing her throat. )

*whinewhinewhine*

Guys! There is something I see outside! It looks super awesome! Let’s go outside!

*WHINEWHINEWHINE*

I! Have! To! Pee!

*sigh*

It is night time, the lights are off, we are all in bed, but you and your gentleman friend keep talking. I am trying to sleep. OR: Fine, don’t share your dinner. OR: More TV? Really? I guess I’ll take another nap.

*GROWL*

I am one badass bitch! (Note: She makes this noise when she’s showing her plush, toy raccoon who is boss.)

*GRUGNF*

This one is a little difficult to describe. It’s the noise that Kosbie makes when she goes into “anchor mode” when we are taking a walk. Basically, when Kosbie finds something that she is SUPER interested in smelling she puts on the brakes and throws her 28 pounds in the opposite direction. The result is me getting some serious whiplash and the air in Kosbie’s throat being pushed out and making a noise that I can only describe as “GRUGNF.”

So there you have it! An introduction to the Kosbinian language. I’m sure you’ll all be fluent in no time at all! When I finished writing this post, I looked over at Kosbie and said “It’s done! You’re famous!” Then she did this:

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10 thoughts on “Speak fluent Kosbie!

  1. Love that header. Those eyes….

    Nice manicure too. Basically what I’m saying is that you’ve got it going on.

    I’m moving to Louisville this weekend, so if you find yourself in Kentucky/southern Ohio in the next year, holler at me!

    • I do what I can to look GOOOOOOOD all the time. Good luck with the move! Exciting times! And of course I will holler at you if I am near you! Also – I hope you enjoyed the chupacabra ;).

      • Well, I can’t say I enjoyed the chupacabra, since they are terrifying mythical creatures & no me gustan. But it was pretty awesome.

  2. I’ve known you for the better part of 16 years. I’m wondering if you know the ins and outs of my sighs and body language, whether they be from my mythical alter ego or my human ego. Let me know. I’m intrigued.

    • GIRL. You KNOW I know you like the back of my hand. I could write an entire post about you – NAY – I could have an entire BLOG about you! The most important body language cue to know about you? One eye HERE and one eye HERE!

    • She will go coo coo bananas when you come visit, as you are her favorite. EVER.

      I will always shout you out.

      Also – I was clicking away and ended up on Blogs ARE forever and on your latest post and there is the weirdest most random comment posting happening!

  3. Don’t forget all of Kosbie’s long-suffering, withering looks. That’s my favorite, and possibly the only, way she ever communicates with me. 😀

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