Ah, life! Gotta do it every day, people. I’ve been doing it professionally for a few years now and it’s tempting to step back and say, “I’ve got this down. I know how to live and take care of myself. I am a GROWN UP!” But then I do some things that prove I am still far from being grown up (I mean, the fact that I still use the term “grown up” instead of “adult” is a red flag, but at least it’s a step up from “big kid”). What types of things? I’m glad you asked, readers. Here are just a few (completely hypothetical) examples.
You Might Not Be
A Grown Up If You:
Eat a bowl of Life cereal with water because you are out of milk.
I’m not proud. I had already measured out the cup of cereal and put it in the bowl. I couldn’t just put it back in the box. Also, I used Brita filtered water. Only the best ’round here.
Watch Katy Perry music videos on loop and cry while you sing along.
This is me after watching the video 3 times.
17 times
300th time.
I’m not even sure how this happened. One day, I had some free time and every intention of paying my bills and cleaning out my inbox. As I sat down to do this I thought: “I could use some background music – I’m going to listen to that new Katy Perry song…ironically, of course.” Next thing I know, I’m listening to her unplugged stuff. Fast forward 45 minutes, I’m crying and memorizing the words to my new favorite song, “Thinking of You.” Don’t judge me – it’s a jam:
Use toilet paper as toilet paper, paper towels and napkins.
Nothing says “I’m an adult” like cooking a nice, homemade Sunday dinner. My gentleman friend and I have gotten in the habit of doing this almost every week. We’ve whipped up fajitas, casseroles, lasagna! But. All of our culinary accomplishments are undermined when we sit down to the table to enjoy our meal and place a strip of Charmin Ultra across our laps. I don’t know that there’s much more I can say about that. *Sigh*
Not the ideal dinner guest.
Tags: Charmin Ultra, Comics, Grown Ups, Katy Perry, Life Cereal, Remember that time?
O my goodness I’m so happy you’re blogging again!! So many things to say: in ref. to the life cereal- who cares its so damn good! (PS Ana is doing the thing where shes consuming cereal “secretly”* and at all times …Lindsay LOLhan). Two- i’ve cried to Katy Perry “Fireworks” so don’t feel bad (“do you ever feel like a plastic bag”…? at first i was like “wtf katy” and by the fifth time i’d heard it i was like “YES” sob “yes i have felt like a bag”). and three- the thing about the TP is such a Nanaism (you’re transformation is near complete at the full moon you’re hair will turn the shade of WINTERWHEAT)
*SECRETLY here means loudly rustles the box open at random hours of the day
Oh my gawd, Mallory!! This comment made me laugh out loud when I read it.
YES! I HAVE FELT LIKE A BAG.
Seriously, YOU should be blogging, too. Maybe you can be my juh-little guest columnist?
Mallory must blog with you. I’m trying to convince her to get a Twitter! I can’t get enough laughs out of my O’Donoghues. On that note, I too am so happy to read the Kosbaloo Show again! I expect lots of LOLling alley moments.
YES! Together we will be unstoppable! Miss you, Courty Court!
Can we add: “Eat cartoon SpongeBob themed orange push ups WHILE WATCHING an episode of SpongeBob Squarepants that you have, in fact, ALREADY SEEN” to the list? Cause that was my yesterday.
And YAY your blog makes me smile
Love it! And yes, you are officially not a grown up because of this behavior
.
However! The fact that you use Charmin and not awful store brand toilet paper does redeem you at least a little.
True. Story. Although, not gunna lie, the main reason I bought Charmin was because of the bears…and it was on sale at Target.
well…it’s better to use TP for your food that use paper towels for the toilet.
….
not that i’ve ever done that.
cough.
Desperate times call for desperate measures, friend. Hypothetically, of course.
I like these and read them the morning I had used my bath mat as a towel b/c mine was still in the dryer. And this isn’t a towel on the floor bathmat it was heavy and backed in rubber. That was the second morning I had to do that. Also, my aunt taught us the water in ceral thing because we were staying with her without my parents when I was in kindergarten and the milk was spoiled. So it was either water or vodka.
Ha! Love it! Maybe the rubber backing is a good for exfoliation?