I’m going to start by saying that Husband was not excited about me writing this post. Actually, he told me not to do it. Period. He threatened me. He said that if I wrote this post, he would send it to my parents. While Husband is the best in many ways, he clearly has not learned that telling me not to do something is the best way to get me to do it. (Or maybe he does know me and wants me write this post…am I playing right into his hands?!? MIND FREAK!) Continue reading
Lessons I’ve Learned From My Dog (Part 1)
This morning I woke to the sound of Kosbie (my favorite four-legged friend) throwing up. As I groggily scrubbed the carpet, I wondered why I ever voluntarily brought this hairy, vomit-machine into my life. Husband had corralled Vomits-bie in the bathroom, and when I went in there to wash up, I saw this:
Conspiracy Theories
If you’re one of 3 people who reads this blog (Hi, Sam!), you’ve probably been up late wrestling with one question for the past year: Why hasn’t The Kosbie Show posted an updated in so long? Instead of giving you a direct answer, I’ve cooked up some excuses conspiracy theories! Just call me Mel Gibson. (Pre-2002 Mel Gibson. Oh, Mel from Braveheart/The Patriot/Maverick! Where did you go?! Where you ever real? Probably not.). Here are the top 4 conspiracy theories about why there hasn’t been an update on this blog in so long. To find out if a theory is true or not, hover over the image that follows. Continue reading
Lost In Translation
What I say:
What Kosbie hears:
End result:
Iron Maiden
Hey friends! I’ve been trying my hand at sketch comedy writing this year, and here’s one of my first sketches. I wrote and acted in this one with Dysfunctional Figurines. Hope you like it! I was trying to see how many Russian puns I could get in one sketch.
New Identity
Quick life update! I was texting a friend/co-worker the other day, and because I secretly want to be Gossip Girl, I signed off “Glynnis xoxox” (or some combination of Xs and Os). My smart phone, thinking that I was being stupid and overly affectionate, auto-corrected the Xs and Os into “dioxide.” At first I was offended, but then I realized the awesomeness of this combination of words.
Continue reading
Sasquatch Snickers
Y’all.
THIS. EXISTS.
That’s my arm. I am not tiny.
What is wrong with America?!
Note the “Slice and Share,” probably added so that MARS wouldn’t be sued by some poor fool who might actually buy this as one-person snack.
It’s so heavy – it feels like a bag of rice.
I totally bought it.*
* Ok, I’m a huge hypocrite. But in my defense, I bought it because it was in the clearance rack at the CVS, and there was only one, and I felt like if it wasn’t in my possession, then it would disappear or something (like a unicorn or a ufo). And then I’d be that guy that was always telling people: “One time I saw a Snickers log that was the size of my forearm!” And everyone would be all, “Really?!” But they wouldn’t believe me. So now I have it! As a side note, the prescription I was filling was for my insulin, and the pharmacist was totally judging me as he rang me up. His eyes were all, “Should you really be purchasing 17 pounds of chocolate when you are obviously diabetic?”
Pssht. He don’t know me.
