Time keeps on slipping, slipping, slipping….

The older I get, the faster time seems to move. It’s crazy! It also makes me want to go back to visit Glynnis of the past and give her a good, hard shake. Like this:

But knowing myself like I do, I bet young Glynnis would not have listened:

*Sigh* I wonder if I ever really thought anyone was buying that story…anyway! What I’m getting at is this: time moves quickly, there’s so much to do, and then BAM! You turn around and realize that you haven’t updated your blog since Halloween! I’ve been super busy doing all kind of stuff. Like:

1. Getting Engaged! My gentleman friend and I have decided to hang out forever, and it’s really exciting. Right after we got engaged, we went to visit my family in Connecticut to celebrate Halloween (the best holiday of all), and then there was a flippin’ snowpocalypse that devastated my hometown and RUINED Halloween. There WAS no Halloween or electricity, or hot water, or heat. It was awful. But don’t worry, we got our engagement picture:
   

   Cold, greasy, and wearing my Dad's clothes. Nothing says "ROMANCE" like a destructive force of nature.

2. Acting/Playing/Being a MOVIE STAR (sort of)! I worked with a really fantastic sketch troupe this fall/winter and had a blast. AND! It lead to me making my film debut. I got to play a cop AND swear! Please enjoy:
   
   
3. Doing Crap Like This To Kosbie:

I’ll post again soon, friends! Until then, take a picture of you and your pet dressed in the same outfit and post it in the comments! 

Tags: Dreams, I am alive!, Kosbie, My gentleman friend is the best, Remember that time?

I lit the Black Flame Candle

Those of you who know me know that I LOVE  Halloween. There are so many wonderful things about this holiday/time of year! Just in case any of you need convincing, here’s a brief, non-comprehensive list:

Awesome Things About October/Halloween

• It’s brisk and autumn-y outside! Time for scarves and boots!
• There is candy everywhere!!
• You can dress up as anything you want!
• CANDY!
• Scary movies!
• CANDY CANDY CANDYALLDAYEVERYDAYCHICKENNUGGETINMYPOCKET!

Now, sugar addiction aside, I come by my love of obsession with Halloween honestly. My whole family loves Halloween, and it was always a big deal in our house. Around September 15th, my parents would sit my sisters and I down and solemnly inform us that they expected our Halloween costumes to be creative and original this year – no procrastinating allowed! Also, store-bought costumes were frowned upon. I railed against this until my parents relented one year in the 90s and let me buy a Lisa Simpson costume. I thought I was hot shit until I was trick-or-treating and  came across a woman in a Marge Simpson costume who saw me, yelled “My daughter!”, and chased me down to give me a hug. I was a shy 6-year-old and this stranger danger encounter scarred me for life. I never bought a store costume again.

Perhaps my best era of Halloween costumes occurred during that wonderful time of life we all look back on so fondly…Middle School. Some back story: I was not a typical “tween.” I was amazingly awkward, but blissfully unaware of that fact. I wasn’t embarrassed by my parents, I didn’t want to grow up, and I did not buy into the whole sexy costume thing. Couple that with the fact that I trusted my parents completely, and you’ve got 3 years of stellar Halloween costumes. What’s especially awesome about these costumes is that they were worn at the annual Halloween Dance…in front of all my peers.

6th Grade: Gypsy

I played it safe for my first Halloween Dance and probably looked pretty cute, but I didn’t win the costume contest.

7th Grade: Uncle Fester

Determined to take my costume to the next level and win the contest, I decided to go with something that involved makeup and a skull-cap. I painted myself white, stuffed a pillow under a fugly jacket, and went off to the dance as Uncle Fester. My friend Kat won the costume contest that year. She went as Mr. Clean (with a skull-cap!). I was happy for her, but I also felt insanely jealous/stupid for not thinking of using cotton balls as eyebrows the way she did.

8th Grade: Virus
This was my last chance! It was not lost on me that this would be my last middle school Halloween Dance, and I decided to bust out the big guns: I went to my parents for ideas and help. My mom came up with the idea that I should go as a virus. When I asked her what that entailed, she explained, “It’s easy! You wear all black, paint your face black, get a pair of black pantyhose, fill them with balloons, and put it on your head.” DUH!! Looking back on this, I wonder if my mom was just trying to see how ridiculous I was willing to look in public. I also wonder what kind of information she received in school about viruses. Anyway, being the trusting 13 year-old I was, I went with it. We made a sign that said “VIRUS” just in case anyone was stupid enough not to realize what I was. I looked something like this:

Needless to say, I did NOT win the costume contest that year, but I did have a great time dancing with pantyhose on top of my head. Also, I did not go on my first date until I was 15.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN,
KOSBIE FANS!!

Tags: candy, Catholic School, Glue Eater, Halloween is the best, Remember that time?, Worst Case Scenario

Update! McAlister’s Van spotted!!

Ok, so remember that time I approached the McAlister’s van like a crazed cookie/deli-sandwich monster?! Well! My gentleman friend and I went to McAlister’s for lunch the other day and look who we saw there:

Tags: Dreams, guilty pleasures, My gentleman friend is the best, Remember that time?, Summer, The Sun wants to kill me.

The McAlister’s Van is Misleading

Gather ’round Kosbie fans! It’s story time! What are you in the mood to hear? A tale of adventure? Romance? Well, too bad! ‘Round here, we only tell one kind of story: the kind involving awkwardness, binge-eating and humiliation.

Tags: animal language, candy, Cookie Cake, cookies, Food is my life, McAlister's, Remember that time?, sugar

You might think you’re a grown up…you could be wrong.

Ah, life! Gotta do it every day, people. I’ve been doing it professionally for a few years now and it’s tempting to step back and say, “I’ve got this down. I know how to live and take care of myself. I am a GROWN UP!” But then I do some things that prove I am still far from being grown up (I mean, the fact that I still use the term “grown up” instead of “adult” is a red flag, but at least it’s a step up from “big kid”).  What types of things? I’m glad you asked, readers. Here are just a few (completely hypothetical) examples.

Tags: Charmin Ultra, Comics, Grown Ups, Katy Perry, Life Cereal, Remember that time?

Turn of Phrase I

So, my gentleman friend and I play this game where we take a commonly used phrase or cliché and  change one word or letter in it to make it sound silly (or in some cases, sillier). My next few posts will be illustrations some of our favorites. If I can remember, I will try to give credit to whomever came up with each one, but I admit now that I am a glory monster and might just say that I made them all…unless you think they are not funny. In that case, it was 100% Sam.

First up – let’s tackle that major declaration of love: “I want to share my life with you.” Dull, played out, unoriginal, right? Why not try:

So much more intimate! And honest. Nothing says I love you like swapping parasites. Stay tuned for more fun twisted phrases! If you have a good one, shoot me an e-mail and I’ll see what I can do about bringing your witty turn of phrase to life in MS paint!

Tags: Comics, lice, Love, My gentleman friend is the best

I am an artiste…not.

I don’t know about you guys, but I LOVED Google’s homage to Cézanne today. It got me thinking about art and expression and that got me thinking, “Hey, I like to draw – why don’t I try to, but like for real?” So, I grabbed my handy sketch pad and set out to find a subject worthy of my creative expression. I chose this picture of my gentleman friend and me that I keep on my nightstand:

Tags: Art, Cézanne, French Manicure, I am alive!, Kosbie, My gentleman friend is the best, They killed Samuel L. Jackson!

See you in the movies!

Happy 2011, errrbody! The stats helper monkeys at WordPress.com mulled over how this blog did in 2010, and here’s a pretty chart thingy they gave me to illustrate my blog’s  ”overall health”:

The Blog-Health-o-Meter™ reads Wow.

Now, getting a “Wow” rating is all well and good, but my focus is on the FUTURE, readers. What’s in store for 2011? Generally, I don’t know. But when it comes to this blog, I do! Two words: FLIP CAMERA! My amazing, wonderful gentleman friend got me one for Christmas! I have tons of ideas for Kosbie videos and I can’t wait to start working on them.  In the meantime, I didn’t want to make you guys wait, so I decided to make a quick video for your viewing pleasure. Unfortunately, as soon as I turned on my camera, Kosbie ceased to do anything interesting at all and became mesmerized by the camera and then bored. So I tried spicing things up with an interesting camera angle…next I resorted to using the “Mango Mambo” to cover up the tedium of this video (and also maybe the sound of my voice begging Kosbie to do something exciting). So, yeah! Here it is, my first (and worst) video for the blog!

Please forgive me.

P.S. – I promise that in real life, Kosbie’s eyes don’t look like two, empty, lifeless, coal lumps made of pure evil…well, not all the time.

Tags: animal language, Flip Camera, Kosbie, movies, My gentleman friend is the best

Backpack Attack!

Hey strangers! I’m back from adventures of blogging for theatre! I’m sorry to have neglected you for so long, but let’s put the past behind us and get back to this blog and what it’s all about: me reporting the stupid things I do. Gather ’round for a story, children!

The Giant Backpacks

Once upon a time, there was a young woman named Glynnis. She loved to play and eat and run. She thought life was fantastico and couldn’t get any better:

But THEN! She met a young man who made life even more exciting and fun than she thought it could be. Not being one to let a good thing go, she fought all the other women for the honor of having this young man as her gentleman friend. SHE WON!

Fast forward 4 years: the two young people have just moved into an apartment and they need a new couch for Kosbie to sleep on while they’re both at work (that’s right, dog, we’re on to you). While Glynnis has fallen in love with a couch from Crate and Barrel, they both agree it’s a good idea to explore their other, more economical options…even though they should really get this one:

The two found themselves wandering the aisles of Value City Furniture when they stumbled upon the children’s department. What happened next can only be described as destiny, awesome or stupid (it’s up to you, but seriously those are your only three choices). They found…

GIANT BACKPACKS

Ok, I have to drop the narrative voice I am using because I’m too excited to tell the rest of this story. Here we go, in regular, old, first person, past tense: My first instinct was to make Gentleman Friend wear the backpack. Because he was as excited about our find as I was, he readily agreed and struck a “Where is the school bus?” pose. Naturally.

Then I had to try the backpack on for myself, because it’s A GIANT BACKPACK, people! Come on! Of course I flashed my most winning smile:

Next, I decided to walk around and act as if my backpack were not humongous – because people acting like ridiculous things are not ridiculous is hilarious. (In case you’re dying to know, at the end I say “Well, there isn’t anything here.” But you can’t tell because I’m mumbling and trying not to laugh.)

Our final idea was the best. We wondered if I could fit in this giant backpack. The answer? Yes, yes I can. That’s how awesome the giant backpacks are. Unfortunately, the salesman on the floor saw me doing this and was not pleased. He ruined our final picture by storming up to Gentleman Friend and me and asking us to “Please stop” or whatever:

THE END.

Tags: Backpacks, Couches, GIANT, My gentleman friend is the best, Remember that time?

Want more Glynnis in your life?

Let me start my by saying that I am mortified to see that my last post was almost a MONTH ago! How did that happen? No, seriously, I think I might have blacked out or something…maybe it’s all the espresso. Anyway! I wanted to let you know that you don’t have to long and yearn and pine for my blogging magic anymore! While The Kosbie Show might continue to be neglected, I’ll be blogging for the theatre company I’m currently doing a show with! Check it out here. I’m totally thrilled to be working on a project that allows me to meld the things I love to do (act, write, laugh) together. Plus, if you read my theatre blog, you’ll see lots of cool stuff like this:

Yeah, that's me as a football. Badass, I know.

So check it out, Kosbie fans! Also, if you’re in the area, you can come see the show and watch me do what I do! On a completely unrelated, but totally important note – what is everyone being for Halloween? My gentleman and I are going as The Gatekeeper and The Keymaster from Ghostbusters (in human form, not dog). In case you don’t remember/don’t know (if you don’t know – netflix it NOW):

HAWT

I will be posting pictures of us, don’t worry.

Tags: Dreams, I am alive!, Jobs, Theatre